A Hundred ‘Morrows More

Tomorrow is the 'morrow of a hundred 'morrows more. Anxiety. Explosiveness. Their growls, soft as a roars. Tomorrow is the 'morrow of a hundred 'morrows more. Injurious. Dispassionate. Their rages heretofore. Tomorrow is the 'morrow of a hundred 'morrows more. Consequences. Unintended? They’re impossible to ignore.

To My Daughter on Becoming Bat Mitzvah

Below is the speech I gave on June 8, 2019 following the service celebrating my daughter becoming Bat Mitzvah. Eliana. Soon after you were born, Ema and I started to notice…an…odor.  We would bathe you, of course, but there was often this very sour smell. We couldn’t figure out why. Where was this funny smell... Continue Reading →

Introducing the Child Allowance Pay Stub!

Allowance has become a big topic in our house recently. We’ve been spotty with it over the years. We start and then it fizzles out. The thing is, our kids tend to “earn” a decent amount of money on their birthdays and Chanukah from family members, so my wife and I have not been terribly... Continue Reading →

Where My Male Identified Parental Units At?

Okay, so yesterday I posted about my new idea to create parenting merit badges so that parents can proudly display their hard-earned parenting achievements, and maybe get a few encouraging pats on the back from their fellow parents in return. Funny right? I thought so. And apparently a lot of you did as well…but by... Continue Reading →

My Son Has Potty Humor And I Love It

Okay, so I'm probably supposed to discourage potty humor. That's one of those rules of parenting, right? Teach decorum. Teach manners. Model appropriate language, behavior blah blah blah. Yes, and. Here's the thing. The cartoon above that my son made is hilarious! I can't not laugh at it. And you know what? I don't want... Continue Reading →

It’s Financial Aid Season, Bitches!

Yes, it’s my favorite time of year when I get to pull down my financial trousers and enjoy an electrifying economic endoscopy! From you, my dearest Third-party Financial Assessment Service, I will withhold nothing. Explore me. Examine me. Shine your light into the darkest crevices of my corpus and reveal that which even I have... Continue Reading →

Generous Exclusion & the Art of Family Management

I heard a fascinating piece on NPR recently about “generous exclusion,” a theory that pushes back against the tendency many of us have to be as inclusive as possible. The theory claims that sometimes excluding people is actually a benevolent act; that being overly inclusive is often an impediment to productivity and is, therefore, ultimately... Continue Reading →

Psychological Preferences in How Children Perceive the World Around Them and Make Decisions Based on How They Puke

I think you can learn a lot about a person’s character from their vomiting routine, which is why I humbly submit to you my Myers-Briggs-like analysis of my children’s regurgitation practices. Child One: Introvert, Intuiting, Thinking, Judging (INTJ) This child always makes it to the toilet. Always. The kid is like an all-star running back... Continue Reading →

When the Shit Hits the TV

In 2007 I got shit lodged in my TV. Literally. Human feces. Inside the TV. Has that ever happened to you? No? I didn’t think so. Because shit does not belong inside TVs. Shit is for toilets and fans, or the woods if you are a bear. But inside consumer electronic devices, shit does not... Continue Reading →

Are Dads Upgradable?

My youngest son, age 5, casually inquired the other day if it's possible to get a different dad, specifically one who is not allergic to cats. Naturally, the response that first ran through my mind was, "Is it possible to get a different five year-old, specifically one who does not still shit his pants?" Thanks,... Continue Reading →

Papa Used to Say…

Papa used to say that anything worth doing is worth doing well. With these words at the forefront of my mind, thus begins my newest writing project: brief musings on life, parenting and getting old(er). I promise to not always be serious, and I promise to not always be sarcastic. I promise to tell you... Continue Reading →

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