Tomorrow is the 'morrow of a hundred 'morrows more. Anxiety. Explosiveness. Their growls, soft as a roars. Tomorrow is the 'morrow of a hundred 'morrows more. Injurious. Dispassionate. Their rages heretofore. Tomorrow is the 'morrow of a hundred 'morrows more. Consequences. Unintended? They’re impossible to ignore.
Below is the speech I gave on June 8, 2019 following the service celebrating my daughter becoming Bat Mitzvah. Eliana. Soon after you were born, Ema and I started to notice…an…odor. We would bathe you, of course, but there was often this very sour smell. We couldn’t figure out why. Where was this funny smell... Continue Reading →
Chag Purim Sameach! Happy Purim! In celebration of Purim 5779/2019 here's a look at both this year's family costume and those from years past. I admit that while my wife, Carrie, LIVES for this day (and is the artistic director and master costume designer), I sometimes find this process exhausting. Still, I can't argue with... Continue Reading →
Allowance has become a big topic in our house recently. We’ve been spotty with it over the years. We start and then it fizzles out. The thing is, our kids tend to “earn” a decent amount of money on their birthdays and Chanukah from family members, so my wife and I have not been terribly... Continue Reading →
My youngest (age 5) and I had a no good very bad day yesterday. The kind of day when the adult actually has to apologize to the kid for being a little shit instead of the other way around. Or big shit I guess. Whatever. Today, though, we found some common ground. We went outside... Continue Reading →
Okay, so yesterday I posted about my new idea to create parenting merit badges so that parents can proudly display their hard-earned parenting achievements, and maybe get a few encouraging pats on the back from their fellow parents in return. Funny right? I thought so. And apparently a lot of you did as well…but by... Continue Reading →
Parenting is a thankless job. You work your ass off, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, and you do it because you have to. You can be sick as a dog, have broken bones, a broken mind, an overly-demanding boss, a sick relative and a flat tire, and you’re... Continue Reading →
Okay, so I'm probably supposed to discourage potty humor. That's one of those rules of parenting, right? Teach decorum. Teach manners. Model appropriate language, behavior blah blah blah. Yes, and. Here's the thing. The cartoon above that my son made is hilarious! I can't not laugh at it. And you know what? I don't want... Continue Reading →
Yes, it’s my favorite time of year when I get to pull down my financial trousers and enjoy an electrifying economic endoscopy! From you, my dearest Third-party Financial Assessment Service, I will withhold nothing. Explore me. Examine me. Shine your light into the darkest crevices of my corpus and reveal that which even I have... Continue Reading →
I heard a fascinating piece on NPR recently about “generous exclusion,” a theory that pushes back against the tendency many of us have to be as inclusive as possible. The theory claims that sometimes excluding people is actually a benevolent act; that being overly inclusive is often an impediment to productivity and is, therefore, ultimately... Continue Reading →
There is nothing more frustrating than a kid who will not eat dinner because they (allegedly) do not like the offerings. It's enough to make a parent go mad when it happens day in and day out. For this reason I humbly submit to you The Dinner Conundrum flowchart. It works like this: Obstinate Child:... Continue Reading →
I think you can learn a lot about a person’s character from their vomiting routine, which is why I humbly submit to you my Myers-Briggs-like analysis of my children’s regurgitation practices. Child One: Introvert, Intuiting, Thinking, Judging (INTJ) This child always makes it to the toilet. Always. The kid is like an all-star running back... Continue Reading →
Stacked firewood :: Sore back and delusions of instantaneous bulging of biceps. Cleared leaves :: ibid. Made lunch for 3 kids :: Only 2 kids ate, because obviously. Breathed deeply. Dropped older kids at party :: Endured wrath of uninvited 5 year-old. Took 5 year-old to arcade :: Endured wrath of 5 year-old for withholding... Continue Reading →
I took my three kids out last night for a bite to eat. Soon after we sat down four deaf couples came in, I'm guessing all 30-somethings, several of whom had small children. A number of things I saw were fascinating and beautiful, but two things in particular really stood out: One: It was remarkable... Continue Reading →
In 2007 I got shit lodged in my TV. Literally. Human feces. Inside the TV. Has that ever happened to you? No? I didn’t think so. Because shit does not belong inside TVs. Shit is for toilets and fans, or the woods if you are a bear. But inside consumer electronic devices, shit does not... Continue Reading →
My youngest son, age 5, casually inquired the other day if it's possible to get a different dad, specifically one who is not allergic to cats. Naturally, the response that first ran through my mind was, "Is it possible to get a different five year-old, specifically one who does not still shit his pants?" Thanks,... Continue Reading →
Papa Used to Say 