Introducing the Parental Achievements Sash: Start Collecting Your Badges and Pins Today!

Parenting is a thankless job. You work your ass off, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, and you do it because you have to. You can be sick as a dog, have broken bones, a broken mind, an overly-demanding boss, a sick relative and a flat tire, and you’re... Continue Reading →

My Son Has Potty Humor And I Love It

Okay, so I'm probably supposed to discourage potty humor. That's one of those rules of parenting, right? Teach decorum. Teach manners. Model appropriate language, behavior blah blah blah. Yes, and. Here's the thing. The cartoon above that my son made is hilarious! I can't not laugh at it. And you know what? I don't want... Continue Reading →

Generous Exclusion & the Art of Family Management

I heard a fascinating piece on NPR recently about “generous exclusion,” a theory that pushes back against the tendency many of us have to be as inclusive as possible. The theory claims that sometimes excluding people is actually a benevolent act; that being overly inclusive is often an impediment to productivity and is, therefore, ultimately... Continue Reading →

Parenting Flowchart #1: The Dinner Conundrum

There is nothing more frustrating than a kid who will not eat dinner because they (allegedly) do not like the offerings. It's enough to make a parent go mad when it happens day in and day out. For this reason I humbly submit to you The Dinner Conundrum flowchart. It works like this: Obstinate Child:... Continue Reading →

Behold: A New Mathematical Symbol for Infinity and the Laundry Revolution!

I would like to introduce a new mathematical symbol for infinity. Instead of ∞, I propose a picture of a pile of laundry. Laundry never ends. Ever. As long as filthy humans roam the earth and procreate to make exponentially filthier offspring, laundry will continue to accumulate in the corners of bedrooms, under beds and,... Continue Reading →

Psychological Preferences in How Children Perceive the World Around Them and Make Decisions Based on How They Puke

I think you can learn a lot about a person’s character from their vomiting routine, which is why I humbly submit to you my Myers-Briggs-like analysis of my children’s regurgitation practices. Child One: Introvert, Intuiting, Thinking, Judging (INTJ) This child always makes it to the toilet. Always. The kid is like an all-star running back... Continue Reading →

A List of Sunday Solo-Dadccomplishments and the Related Repercussions Thereof

Stacked firewood :: Sore back and delusions of instantaneous bulging of biceps. Cleared leaves :: ibid. Made lunch for 3 kids :: Only 2 kids ate, because obviously. Breathed deeply. Dropped older kids at party :: Endured wrath of uninvited 5 year-old. Took 5 year-old to arcade :: Endured wrath of 5 year-old for withholding... Continue Reading →

Learning How to Listen from Those Who Cannot Hear

I took my three kids out last night for a bite to eat. Soon after we sat down four deaf couples came in, I'm guessing all 30-somethings, several of whom had small children. A number of things I saw were fascinating and beautiful, but two things in particular really stood out: One: It was remarkable... Continue Reading →

When the Shit Hits the TV

In 2007 I got shit lodged in my TV. Literally. Human feces. Inside the TV. Has that ever happened to you? No? I didn’t think so. Because shit does not belong inside TVs. Shit is for toilets and fans, or the woods if you are a bear. But inside consumer electronic devices, shit does not... Continue Reading →

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