Beware of The Adderall Paradox!

The days when you wake up to find that you don’t have any Adderall left are the very days when you most fully appreciate your need for Adderall. It’s in these moments when you are most vulnerable to what I call…The Adderall Paradox.

It is when your ability to get a new prescription for Adderall is significantly compromised by the fact that you don’t currently have a prescription for Adderall.

To be fair, an adderalled Jamie is not impervious to distractions, but he is, usually, much better at compensating for them. Usually. 

Let’s take a look back at last week, shall we?

 

(Remember that SNL skit? Classic. I spent way too much time looking for the actual video clip, which I’ve seen but doesn’t seem to be available. Major bummer. If you know where it is, drop the link in the comments!)

I’m writing this on a Wednesday night, but I recognized the possibility of entering The Paradox as early as this past Friday. 

I even had a talk with myself about it that went something like this:

“Now, Jamie,” I said to myself sternly while glaring at the contents of my weekly pill box organizer, “You have three doses of Adderall left. Let’s count them out, okay? You’ve got one pill for Sunday. You’ve got one pill for Monday. And you’ve got one pill for Tuesday. That’s it. Got it? 

“That means on Monday morning you must…Is it snowing outside? Maybe it’s just passing flurries. I didn’t check the forecast today. Oh, that reminds me, we’re almost out of rock salt. I should put that on my Google Tasks list,” I thought to myself with pride because I was actively using my to-do list to keep track of things lest I forget.

“I’ll probably end up buying two bags of salt because they always have some kind of buy one, get the second half-off sale that, illogically, I can’t seem to turn down. Always, I walk out of there with two. It’s annoying because there’s never a great spot for them in the garage…but whatever. I’ll use it all eventually,” I rationalized to myself as my mind conducted a mental tour of available store space in the garage.

“Wait…Why am I staring at this pill organizer?” I said to myself suddenly, as my eyes, which had somehow ceased to focus neither on foreground nor background, just looking through everything blankly like you do with those Magic Eye designs with the hidden pictures, came back into focus.

“Oh, right! Adderall. Looks like there are only three left, but I should double-check. 

“One for Sunday. Hold on. Did I take a dose yesterday? Maybe that was why I felt a little headachey…Whatever. That doesn’t matter now.

“One for Sunday, for Monday and one for Tuesday. Okay, Jamie, lock this in. You must send a refill request to the doctor on Monday. First thing. You need to assume that the doctor won’t see the refill request immediately. She might not send the new prescription to CVS until the latter half of the day. 

“So, if CVS gets it late in the day, it won’t be ready to pick up until sometime Tuesday. Are you following? That means you might not be able to pick it up until later on Tuesday. What else do I need from CVS, anyway? There must be something. I think I need a new bottle of mouthwash. Yeah, I’m pretty sure I do. I should add that to the list.”

Fast-forward to Wednesday morning. I opened the Wednesday flap of the pill organizer, dumped the contents into the palm of my hand, and noticed that…

“F&@$!” I exclaimed quietly. 

“How did I forget about getting more Adderall!? I must have put it on my Google Tasks list. I must have.” 

So, I reached for my phone, opened the Tasks app, and started scrolling through all the entries.

“Ah shit…it’s not here. I guess I never put it in? How is that possible? Damn it. I am such an idiot.” I thought to myself, partially perplexed and partially not at all surprised, still scrolling through the open tasks in disbelief. A moment later, I stopped scrolling when something on the list caught my eye.

“Oh yeah, I need rock salt and mouthwash when I’m out,” I said to myself. “I’m totally going to end up with two bags of rock salt. I always do, but I’ll use it eventually, I suppose.”

(Oh, and speaking of pharmacies…you should check out Just give me the drugs!)