Psychological Preferences in How Children Perceive the World Around Them and Make Decisions Based on How They Puke

I think you can learn a lot about a person’s character from their vomiting routine, which is why I humbly submit to you my Myers-Briggs-like analysis of my children’s regurgitation practices. Child One: Introvert, Intuiting, Thinking, Judging (INTJ) This child always makes it to the toilet. Always. The kid is like an all-star running back... Continue Reading →

When the Shit Hits the TV

In 2007 I got shit lodged in my TV. Literally. Human feces. Inside the TV. Has that ever happened to you? No? I didn’t think so. Because shit does not belong inside TVs. Shit is for toilets and fans, or the woods if you are a bear. But inside consumer electronic devices, shit does not... Continue Reading →

Are Dads Upgradable?

My youngest son, age 5, casually inquired the other day if it's possible to get a different dad, specifically one who is not allergic to cats. Naturally, the response that first ran through my mind was, "Is it possible to get a different five year-old, specifically one who does not still shit his pants?" Thanks,... Continue Reading →

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