There is nothing more frustrating than a kid who will not eat dinner because they (allegedly) do not like the offerings. It's enough to make a parent go mad when it happens day in and day out. For this reason I humbly submit to you The Dinner Conundrum flowchart. It works like this: Obstinate Child:... Continue Reading →
I think you can learn a lot about a person’s character from their vomiting routine, which is why I humbly submit to you my Myers-Briggs-like analysis of my children’s regurgitation practices. Child One: Introvert, Intuiting, Thinking, Judging (INTJ) This child always makes it to the toilet. Always. The kid is like an all-star running back... Continue Reading →
Stacked firewood :: Sore back and delusions of instantaneous bulging of biceps. Cleared leaves :: ibid. Made lunch for 3 kids :: Only 2 kids ate, because obviously. Breathed deeply. Dropped older kids at party :: Endured wrath of uninvited 5 year-old. Took 5 year-old to arcade :: Endured wrath of 5 year-old for withholding... Continue Reading →
I took my three kids out last night for a bite to eat. Soon after we sat down four deaf couples came in, I'm guessing all 30-somethings, several of whom had small children. A number of things I saw were fascinating and beautiful, but two things in particular really stood out: One: It was remarkable... Continue Reading →
In 2007 I got shit lodged in my TV. Literally. Human feces. Inside the TV. Has that ever happened to you? No? I didn’t think so. Because shit does not belong inside TVs. Shit is for toilets and fans, or the woods if you are a bear. But inside consumer electronic devices, shit does not... Continue Reading →
My youngest son, age 5, casually inquired the other day if it's possible to get a different dad, specifically one who is not allergic to cats. Naturally, the response that first ran through my mind was, "Is it possible to get a different five year-old, specifically one who does not still shit his pants?" Thanks,... Continue Reading →
